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High priority note to myself - Be determined, Be strong

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I should listen to my heart and my gut feelings as le le's mother, I know what I should do for him, but sometimes I got soften by negative comments. Yesterday nap time, I refused to feed him to test how long he can cried or he will learn that I wont feed and he will sleep. But he cried for 2 hours, now I know cry out method is not suitable for my baby, probably I'm using it as an excuse. I really can't bear to see him like that, and I feel so bad after I did that to him. Now I changed my bedtime routine from: Dinner > (dim light) warm shower > (dim light or sometimes lights off) milk > sleep

to the following new routine started yesterday:
Dinner > milk > (dim light) warm shower > (dim light) bedtime story > (dim light) milk with sitting position > light off > sleep

Yesterday I went out the bed to off the light and he got panicked, today I should on the light by the bed side to reduce his insecure feeling. He did made some noise and 1-2 super short screaming, plus biting my fingers, and he drifted away to sleep in 15 minutes. Minimum crying with effective self soothe method to sleep. 

I must remember not to let my child cry out anymore, I must remember that I can't bear the pain even people around psycho me and soften me. Be determined, Be firmed, I know what is the best for my baby. Don't give up, Don't give in, even people around would criticize and give lotsa negative comments. Stand firmly on my feet, follow what I think is right, don't compromised anything regarding to my child's health and safety, physically and emotionally.

A note to remind myself. Remember! 

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